Ambiguous Loss and Family Estrangement: Grieving Someone Who's Still Alive

Maria Gregg gets vulnerable in this episode of Colors Out Loud. She talks about a grief she has carried since moving to Austin: ambiguous loss. Maria explains Dr. Pauline Boss’s two types of ambiguous loss, shares a grieving family’s story to show why unresolved loss is so hard for the brain to process, and opens up about her decision to go no contact with her siblings and stepfather.

Maria talks about why estrangement grief is so complicated, from the door that always stays open to the lack of support from people around you. Drawing on Stephanie Sarazin’s Soulbroken, she explains the difference between external hope and internal hope. She closes with ways to live with ambiguity: radical acceptance, naming the loss, private rituals, and finding support that understands relational grief.

Content note: This episode includes discussion of family estrangement, the sudden death of a parent, and grief-related self-sabotaging behaviors. Please take care of yourself while listening.

In this episode

• (02:05) What makes ambiguous loss different from grief, and Dr. Pauline Boss’s two types
• (03:22) A funeral director’s story and why closure helps the brain process loss
• (05:52) Maria’s story: going no contact with her family
• (06:27) Why estrangement grief is so complicated
• (08:56) Soulbroken and the difference between external and internal hope
• (12:41) Living with ambiguity: radical acceptance, naming the loss and private rituals
• (15:50) Being patient with grief and why we don’t heal in isolation

Resources

• Soulbroken: A Guidebook for Your Journey Through Ambiguous Grief by Stephanie Sarazin
• Ambiguous Loss: Learning to Live with Unresolved Grief by Dr. Pauline Boss